Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

I would just like to say that the Bushpigs have been together happily for almost 7 years. I would like to hear of long term relationships that are not strictly speaking monogamous.
We have a relationship by negotiation, I would not choose to call it monogamous nor would I call it open as it is not that either.
I think our openess by its nature will mean that we can be together for the rest of our lives. Not because she is 'the one' but because we love each other, communicate well together, laugh heaps and play together.
And because we understand that sometimes one or the other may have the need to explore many things.
So while I know that many worship monogamy I really respect those that have relationships that are open to negotiation.
Want my partner to be happy,free and yet loyal, loving and honest.
Having said this, we are very selective and into real people. Piggy insists that I say this is not an invitation to any loser out there as we dont do internet anything.
Please give me some examples of relationships that are working, healthy long term. cheers
Tyren

Posted: 23-Aug-2009

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

Hi Tyren!
Although I am not in a relationship, so can't really offer an example of one that is similar to yours, I would like to say that this is something which strikes a chord.

I have called myself a serial monogamist and I have mentioned "the one" .. but when it comes down to it, the relationship you describe is probably what many are searching for  ... the key words being "loving" "honesty" and "loyalty". I might add .. mutual respect. (And of course the laughs and fun).

I often think if, at this stage of my life, I was fortunate enough to connect well with someone again, how things would be negotiated. Our personal freedom is so important ... being given room to keep growing as people and explore life, yet remaining mindful of that same need in the other.

Anyway ... thankyou for this post.
Maggieb

Posted: 23-Aug-2009

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

Hey Tyren,

love what you have to say and I think that if two people want to stay together for a number of years many dimensions of life require open-mindedness, willingness to challenge one's reactions and motivations, and negotition.

My gf and I have been together for 14 years and there are very few areas of our lives that have not been challenged and negotiated in that time. Our relationship has changed over the years and, we know, will continue to change shape. It has had to in order to suit our growth as individuals.

I won't say too much here, but our negotiations over the years have involved every aspect of our relationship - although perhaps to a lesser degree than your own and piggy's to this point. Nonetheless, I've found that it is a dimension of our love that has helped build our knowledge of and trust in each other. The thing I love about my relationship is our shared awareness of our individual growth and growth as a couple. It isn't something that just happens, it is something we can, we need be, acknowledge as a process and experience... at least that's how I see it.

cheers,

Posted: 23-Aug-2009

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

Maggieb re Long term partners etc...

You are absolutely spot-on-I applaude you for your honesty and I still live in hope that one day I will find a woman who feels the same way...!!  

There are many who agree with the theory but fail at the practise..!!  

Posted: 11-Oct-2009

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

enigma63... you also have many valid points which I endorse-you aussie gay women are straight-talking who take no prisoners-shame we  brits can't drop the stiff upper lip syndrome and have a damn good debate now and again...!!

Posted: 11-Oct-2009

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

I think it is lovely to see women who are open to negotiation, I believe that there are many ways to'do' a relatonship and it is up to the people involved to decide what works for them and no one else has the right to make judgement.
I have listed my relationship as open and depending on what you mean by that to some we are really progressive and to others a tad vanilla, but it works for us and that is beacause we negotiate, communicate, respect and love each other for the wonderful women we are and nuture each others growth.
Negotiation is constant and ongoing in all aspects of our relationship and I wouldnt have it any other way.

W

Posted: 25-Mar-2010

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

I like what many have written here. MaggieB what you wrote struck a real chord with me.  I too have wanted the "forever" thing, only to find that as I have gotten older I just can't see it working...(not in the way I originally intended anyway)

Love, Trust, Honesty, these are the foundations of relationships in all their forms.  We all want to be loved and appreciated.   I think that is totally possible without "strict" confines...  

Kudos for looking outside the square, I know I am capable and have loved two women at one time in different ways, but love none the less...and love never dies.. unless you kill it.. and yes sadly some women do

Cheers

Posted: 25-Mar-2010

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

interesting and real topic here. as long as you have love, respect and communication you cant fail.

every relationship, like people, is individual.

Posted: 27-Mar-2010

Re: Long term partners and relationship which is by negotiation

i'm a monogamous believer. When i was with my ex for 7 yrs eventhough she was the stubborn obsessive type we had the best yrs of our lives together. Our love was groovy, exciting, she was like my bestfriend. Time and time i get younger girls liking me... eventhough theres nothing special about me... mm... i loved her... she was an amazing person.

Posted: 28-Mar-2010